“When the eyes say one thing and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
We can also show empathy through our body language and tone of voice. A reflection back could be worded perfectly, but if it is said with sarcasm, arms crossed, or an eyeroll, it loses empathy.
Our facial expressions, gestures, posture, and voice signal safety or threat to the other person because survival and communication instincts have been reinforced throughout human history. That said, they can vary between cultures, so choose what is most appropriate for your culture.
Body language
Body language that shows empathy, interest, caring, and respect in the United States:
- Nodding
- Making eye contact
- Uncrossed arms
- Hands visible and open
- Head slightly tilted
- Shoulders, hips, and feet facing the speaker
- Sitting upright or leaning forward
Tone of voice
Tone is a very dynamic part of communication because it has so many facets (volume, speed, pacing, inflection, etc.), conveying multiple emotions.
Tone of voice can be a window into someone’s emotions, even when their body language tries to hide emotions. For example, we can sense that something is off when someone is smiling but their voice sounds worried.
Tone can also reveal whether someone is being genuine, aggressive, or passive-aggressive. This is why it’s important to be genuinely interested in the other person’s experience – our voice will reveal if we’re not.
Empathy is generally shown through a calm, compassionate, and confident tone (although it depends on the culture, situation, and the people.) Being too loud or intense could seem aggressive to the other person and make them feel attacked. On the other hand, being too quiet or robotic could seem like you are uninterested, bored, or annoyed.
