The brain is good at quickly categorizing things through judgments, but these judgments can be limited because they don’t account for different needs, values, or perspectives.
Judgments about others can be negative:
- “He is lazy.”
- “They are nitpicky.”
- “She is self-centered.”
- “They are a bad person.”
Or positive:
- “She’s a good friend.”
- “They are hilarious.”
- “He’s a saint.”
- “They are a good person.”
It’s okay to have judgments, but it’s not okay to assume they’re true and immediately act on them, especially when they’re negative. Instead, use judgments as a “Check Engine” light, a signal that there’s an emotion underneath.
How to translate judgments into emotions:
For example: Carmen is passing Marcus in the hallway, stops him, and asks him a work question. Marcus blurts out, “I don’t have time for this,” and keeps walking. Carmen thinks, “He is so rude. He should have answered. I only had a quick question.”
1. Identify the judgment words or phrases.
Note: “Should” and “shouldn’t” can be sneaky judgment words.
2. Make a T-chart of the judgments and the emotions underneath them.
| Judgments | Emotions underneath |
| Rude Should have answered | Annoyed Confused Disappointed |
3. Find the emotions’ questions in the Emotion Families Sheet and answer them to figure out what you’re needing.
“I’m feeling annoyed, confused, and disappointed because I need better communication with Marcus.”
Suggestion for leaders
Do you use judgment words to describe employees? Do you think they “should” or “shouldn’t” do certain things? What emotions and values are underneath those judgment words?
“My judgment words are ‘rude’ and ‘should have answered.’”