Assuming that something is “definitely going to happen,” that “it’s personal,” or that “it will never change” are cognitive distortions or negative ways of thinking that distort reality. Cognitive distortions are like not knowing you’re wearing red-tinted glasses, thinking everything looks red, and then believing that everything is red. Avoiding these negative filters starts with noticing negative thoughts and checking if they’re accurate.
A great first step is to get to the emotion underneath the thought, just as we did with Translating judgments into emotions. But if a negative thought or belief is persistent, then we can challenge it.
How to challenge negative thoughts:
For example: Dr. Abadi’s patient, Jay, is very upset about the treatment plan and costs of medication, shouting at Dr. Abadi to fix it.
After the appointment, Dr. Abadi feels ashamed and notices negative thoughts popping up.
1. Observe the thought as if it is behind glass in a museum, separate from you. You can write it down, if you want.
2. What do you know for a fact? What are you making assumptions about? Look out for words and phrases like:
- I know what they’re thinking
- Always/Never
- Everything/Nothing
- Impossible
- Should/Shouldn’t
- I know what will happen
- I know what they’re thinking
“I’m using the words can’t, anything, all of my patients, and failing. I’m assuming that Jay is mad at me and that it’s my fault. I’m also assuming that Jay’s reaction reflects how all of my patients feel about me.”
3. What is another way you could look at it? What else could be true?
“I am blaming myself, but the cost of medication is out of my hands at this point. It’s possible Jay is upset with the situation and not with me. And this situation might be specific to Jay and not a reflection of how all of my patients feel.”
4. Then replace the negative thought with a new thought.
“Jay was upset, but he’s probably just concerned about his health and medical bills. It might not be about me. I know I’m doing the best I can to help him. I can support him by validating his feelings and reassuring him I’m here to help.”
“I can’t do anything right. All of my patients hate me. I’m failing them.”