Step 1: Ask yourself, “What just happened?” to identify what activated the emotion.
- It could be an interaction, thought, memory, behavior, or environment
Step 2: Check in with your body.
- The body can be a good indicator of what you are feeling. And recognizing which of your physical sensations tend to pair with specific emotions will help you in the future.
- Take a deep breath and notice what you feel physically.
- Where do you feel tense? Where do you feel relaxed?
- Where do you feel energy?
- Simply observe, like a scientist. Try not to change it or judge it.
- Need help? Here is a Physical Sensations Vocabulary list.
- Other examples of physical sensations:
- “My hands feel hot.”
- “My chest feels heavy.”
- “There’s a lump in my throat.”
- “My body feels numb and tired.”
- “My shoulders feel relaxed.”
- “My chest feels open.”
- “My face feels light and lifted.”
- If you‘re struggling with this, simply label which body parts feel “tense” and which feel “relaxed.” With practice, it‘ll become easier to use more descriptive words.
“My breath is in my upper chest, my stomach is in knots, my chest feels tight, and my jaw is tense.”
Step 3: Check in with your thoughts.
- What thoughts are running through your mind? Simply notice them.
- Your thoughts are not necessarily factual or what you believe in your heart. They may only be a reflection of the emotion you’re currently feeling.
“I keep thinking about how unfair this is. My boss is unreasonable. I can’t juggle all of these.”
Step 4: Identify the emotion family using this Emotion Families Sheet.
- Are they pleasant or unpleasant emotions?
- Are they mild, medium, or intense?
- Simply observe, like a scientist. Try not to change them or judge them.
“I’m feeling intense unpleasant feelings. They’re in the Anger, Confusion, and Anxiety families.”
Step 5: Label the specific emotions beyond “Mad, Sad, or Glad.”
- Yes, you may be “mad,” but can you be more specific? Are you “irritated” or “furious” or “exasperated”? These emotions feel different in the body and create different kinds of thoughts, even though they’re all in the “Anger” family.
“I’m feeling overwhelmed, conflicted, frustrated, confused, and anxious.”
Now that Jeffrey knows what he’s feeling, he can choose what he does next. If he still feels agitated, he could do a short calming exercise, like deep breathing, to manage his emotions (see Managing Emotions). Or he could advocate for himself by discussing his workload with his boss.
“I felt upset after reading the email.”